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November 4, 2024

Hello and Happy Day! This is Dr. MaryAnn Diorio, Bible Teacher, Novelist, and Life Coach, welcoming you to another episode of Winning with the Word. Today is Monday, November 4, 2024, and this is episode #20 in Series 2024. This episode is titled, “Why Marriages Fail.”

A little over a week ago, my husband and I celebrated 55 blessed years of marriage. I call those years “blessed” because during our growth as a couple, we discovered the fundamental secret of a fulfilling marriage. If you listen until the end of this podcast, you will learn what that secret is.

Young people frequently tell me that they are afraid to get married. When I ask them why, their responses always reveal an underlying fear. Here are some of those fears:

1__Fear of marrying the wrong person.
2__Fear of divorce.
3__Fear of commitment.
4__Fear of the unknown.
5__Fear of interference with one’s career.

I could go on and on with other reasons, but the five I named above are the most common.

Interestingly, all of the reasons these precious young people give me include the word fear. When young people observe the marriages of their parents or their friends’ parents, they generally do not like what they see. And, in my opinion—and perhaps in yours as well—this is a sad situation, indeed.

So what’s going on?

Here are some reasons I’ve discovered from 55 years of marriage and 25 years as a Life Coach helping others in their marriages:

Reason #1. Selfishness. When we get married, we usually think, first and foremost, what’s in it for me. Sure, we say we want the best for our spouse—and we do—but when the rubber meets the road, and we find ourselves in a situation where we have to sacrifice what we want for the good of our spouse, we often sing a different tune.

Reason #2. A Misunderstanding of the Meaning of True Love. Few people understand the true meaning of love. If asked, most would define love as a feeling. But the truth is that love, in its essence, is not a feeling. It is a Person, and that Person is Jesus Christ. Moreover, treating our spouse with love is a decision, not a feeling. When we use feelings as the arbiter of love, we will always come up short. How many times have you heard a spouse say, “I don’t love him anymore. I don’t love her anymore.” The truth is that spouse does not want to love his or her mate. That spouse wants to love only himself or herself.

3. Failure to prioritize your marriage relationship. We live in a culture of wrong priorities. We focus on the least important things rather than on the most important ones. For a marriage to succeed, we must put our relationship with our spouse above every other relationship except our relationship with God. This includes children. Far too many wives put their children above their husbands, and far too many husbands put their jobs above their wives. Both attitudes lead to failure in marriage.

Failure is not only defined as divorce. Failure in marriage can be displayed in a growing distance between husband and wife, in poor communication, and, worst of all, in apathy. Remember this: No relationship, especially the marriage relationship, is static. It will either move forward or backward. The choice is up to you.

Marriage is a crucible in which we discover who we really are at the core of our being. It is the place where we learn what our true character is like. Marriage exposes those dark places of our hearts that reveal, bottomline, that we want our own way. God gives us our spouse to polish us, to remove the dross, and to make His purpose in our lives shine through.

On the other side of the coin, marriage is also the place where we discover depths of love and sacrifice that we never knew we were capable of. When a man and a woman join hearts and minds in marriage, they can do anything. They become a force for good in an evil world.

Well, I promised to tell you the secret of a fulfilling marriage. So here it is. The secret is so simple that you could easily miss it. But I won’t keep you in suspense any longer. The secret of a fulfilling marriage is Jesus Christ.

Now before you get upset, consider this.

God Himself created marriage. Marriage was His idea. He created marriage to be the earthly witness to the relationship of Jesus Christ with His Bride, the Church, and the Church’s relationship to Christ. Earthly marriage is supposed to be a reflection of this heavenly relationship. A solid, fulfilling marriage shows the world that the love of Christ is the answer to every problem in life.

Marriage is a love relationship. Jesus Christ is Love Personified. And in the relationship between Christ and HIs Church, He is the Bridegroom and the Church is the Bride. So Jesus knows a few things about marriage, wouldn’t you agree? In fact, Jesus knows everything there is to know about marriage, and He knows how to fix every marriage problem, no matter how impossible it seems.

But the only way to tap into His help is to establish a relationship with Him. Making Jesus the center of your life and of your marriage will help ensure that you have a marriage that not only lasts but that is also fulfilling.

So, why is Jesus the secret to a fulfilling marriage? Because we can do nothing without Jesus. We cannot build a solid, lasting, and fulfilling marriage without Jesus. We need His strength and His wisdom in the tough times. We need His joy in the good times. We need His peace all the time.

And unless you think that a fulfilling marriage is free of trials, let me assure you that it is not. In fact, every marriage will have its ups and downs, but for those who don’t know Jesus Christ, the downs get worse and worse. For those couples who do know Jesus, the downs are simply the means to deep spiritual growth in love.

So the next time a young person tells you that he or she doesn’t want to get married, share what you’ve learned today. And if you don’t yet apply it to your own marriage, begin now. The best way to begin is to make sure that you yourself have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. If you don’t or are not sure, pray this simple prayer with me now:

LORD Jesus, I come to You just as I am. I admit that I am a sinner in need of Your mercy and grace. I repent of my sin, and I invite You into my life to be my Savior and Lord. I place my marriage in Your care, LORD. Teach me how to be the spouse You created me to be. Give me revelation of the meaning of true love. Thank You, LORD. I pray this prayer in Your mighty and compassionate Name. Amen.

If you sincerely prayed this prayer from your heart, you are now a born-again child of God. Write to me at drmaryannn@maryanndiorio.com, and I will send you a free PDF e-booklet titled After You’re Born Again.

In case you are not aware, I write heart-mending fiction that deals with the deepest issues of life and of marriage. In my stories you will find characters just like you who struggle with what look like impossible issues. You can check out my books on my online bookstore at shop.maryanndiorio.com.

Until next time, remember that God loves you just as you are and just where you are, and that He will help you to keep on winning with the Word.

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Copyright 2024 by MaryAnn Diorio, PhD. All Rights Reserved.