June 20, 2025
Hello and Happy Day! This is Dr. MaryAnn Diorio, Certified Life and Relationship Coach and award-winning Novelist, welcoming you to The Relationship Road. Today’s episode is titled “Help! We’re on Different Wave Lengths!”
When it comes to good relationships, communication and wave lengths go hand in hand. Years ago, I was having a discussion with my husband that seemed to be going nowhere. Now, lest I give you the wrong impression, I have an absolutely wonderful husband. And, after 55 years of marriage, he gets better and better—like a fine wine, as the old saying goes.
Well, this particular day, we were discussing a topic related to something that we needed to do in our house, but for some reason, our statements kept colliding in mid-air. We weren’t arguing, mind you. We simply were not on the same wave length.
If you’ve ever been on a different wave length, you understand the frustration that it can cause. At times, it can feel as though you’re knocking your head against a wall.
And that’s exactly how I felt.
Finally, our young daughter, who happened to be listening to our discussion, exclaimed, “You two are talking at each other, not to each other!”
(ASIDE: Pretty astute for an eight-year-old, don’t you think? And time for a brag: [Parents have bragging rights, don’t we?]). My husband and I have two very smart daughters who are now successful adult women. And their smarts started way back when—as you can tell by my daughter’s reaction.)
Well, when my daughter uttered those words of wisdom, I stopped short. The child was absolutely right. My husband and I were talking at each other and not to each other. No wonder our conversation was going downhill fast.
Analyzing Your Conversation
So, being the analyst of human nature that I am, I decided to analyze our conversation point by point to discover the reason my husband and I were talking at each other instead of to each other. And what I discovered changed the course of our marriage.
I had learned somewhere along the line that a good way to make sure that the other person in a relationship has understood what you said is to have that person repeat back to you what you said to him. (Sorry for the tongue-twister. 🙂
So, when I asked my husband to repeat back what I had said to him, he had no clue.
To be fair, when I tried to repeat back to him what he had said to me, there were some serious gaps between what I thought I had heard and what he had actually said.
So, why the failure on both our parts to repeat accurately what we had said to each other?
The answer is simple. Neither one of us had been paying close attention. Neither one of us had been really listening to the other. I mean really listening. Each of us had been proud, thinking that our own viewpoint was the only correct one.
HOW TO LISTEN
So, Step Number One in good communication and in getting on the same wave-length is to LISTEN!
When we do not listen—really listen—we are not showing respect for the other person’s point of view. We are showing respect only for our own, and that is selfish and prideful. In truth, we are using that person simply as a sounding board off of whom we want to bounce our own ideas.
Obviously, communicating in this dysfunctional way hurts a relationship because both parties feel unheard, misunderstood, and invalidated.
Sadly, talking at each other instead of to each other is more common than we realize.
And it is one of the biggest causes of poor relationships, especially in marriage and parenting.
Talking at someone makes the respectful exchange of ideas and opinions impossible because people who talk at each other are more concerned about their own opinions than about the opinions of the other person in the relationship. Essentially, we are conveying to the other person that his or her viewpoint is not as important as our own.
PRINCIPLES OF GOOD COMMUNICATION
So, what can we do to overcome this “talking at” syndrome? Here are a few principles that my husband and I have applied and that work:
1) LISTEN attentively to each other. Do not interrupt while the other person is speaking. Do not focus on what you want to say in reply. Focus on what the other person is saying. Do not dominate the conversation. Listen with your heart, not only with your head.
2) RESPECT the other person as just as valuable as you. We are all equal in God’s sight. No person is superior to another in value, and no person is inferior to another in value. Therefore, we need to treat the other person in the relationship as having as much value as we do because God created that person as well. And we had better not mess with God’s creation!
3) BE HUMBLE. Recognize that no one has all the answers, and that the other person in the relationship may have a better solution to a problem than we do. God created humanity in such a way that we need one another.
One of my favorite Scripture verses is found in Proverbs 27: 17 NLT: “As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.” One of the greatest benefits of a relationship is that each person in the relationship can help the other person to grow.
So, if you are struggling in this area of communication—whether in your marriage, your parenting, or your workplace—apply the three principles above—LISTEN, RESPECT, and BE HUMBLE—and watch your relationship improve significantly.
THE GOLDEN RULE OF GOOD RELATIONSHIPS
Until next time, remember the Golden Rule of Great Relationships: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
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Copyright 2025 by MaryAnn Diorio, PhD. All Rights Reserved.
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Miracle in Milan
A young, female auditor discovers convincing evidence that the man she loves is an embezzler.
Relationship Issue: Deception
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