How to Set Healthful Boundaries

“Guard your heart above all else, for it determines
the course of your life.” ~ Proverbs 4:23
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What is a boundary? A boundary is a line that defines where one thing ends and another begins. When it comes to the human heart, a boundary is anything that helps you to differentiate you from someone else.

Scenic view of a white fencing heading down a hill during autumn season.

A boundary tells what something is and what something is not.

God defines Himself by boundaries. He tells us that He is love (I John 4:16) and that He is not darkness (I John 1:5). God also tells us what He will allow (righteousness) and what He will not allow (sin).  

Boundaries are essential to emotional well-being. Many problems are related to the failure to establish boundaries. 

If you have not established your boundaries, take time to do so today.

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Tel. 856-488-3580
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Copyright 2015 by Dr. MaryAnn Diorio. All Rights Reserved. This article may not be published or printed in any form whatsoever without the written permission of Dr. MaryAnn Diorio. You may contact her at drmaryann@maryanndiorio.com to request permission.

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Dr. Diorio is a Certified Life Coach, a Certified Biblical Counselor, and a Certified Behavioral Consultant. She is also an award-winning, widely published author of fiction for children and adults. You may reach her at maryann@maryanndiorio.com or via one of her social media venues below:

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Are You Allowing Yourself to Get Upset?

Setting Boundaries for What You Will Allow in Your Life

“Guard your heart above all else, for it determines
the course of your life.” ~ Proverbs 4:23
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No one can upset you without your permission!

Let those words sink in. No one–that means, NO ONE, can upset you unless you allow that person to upset you.

Closeup portrait angry young woman, blowing steam coming out of ears, about to have nervous atomic breakdown, isolated black background. Negative human emotions facial expression feelings attitudePhoto Source: Fotolia.com – File: #69793015 | Author: pathdoc

When you think about it, this is wonderful news. It means that you have the ability and the power of choice to assume responsibility for your emotions. It also means that no matter how others treat you, you can remain calm, secure, and unshaken on the inside.

Whenever you allow someone to upset you, you are giving that person control over you. You are allowing that person to affect not only your emotions but also your entire life.  You are, in essence, allowing another person to rob you of your freedom and your peace.

Think about it.

Let’s say your husband forgets your anniversary. Instead of allowing that fact to upset you, turn the situation around and surprise him by cooking his favorite meal. This will defuse any temptation on your part to be upset, and it will remind you that that wonderful man you married is human, just like you, and sometimes forgets things.

My granddaughter recently got upset when her younger sister took from her a toy she wanted to play with. My older granddaughter came to me complaining.  “Nonna, she makes me so mad!” 

I smiled and replied, “Sweetheart, no one can make you angry without your permission.”

Her brows furrowed as her eyes questioned my sanity. “That’s not true, Nonna! I’m mad!”

“Of course, you’re mad, but you don’t have to be. You are the one allowing yourself to be mad.” 

After a few moments of conversation, she left feeling empowered that she could set boundaries as to what she would allow and not allow in her  life.

You can set the same boundaries. You can determine how you will respond to the actions of others.

You can refuse to allow anyone to upset you.

Now, that is freedom! 🙂 And that is peace!

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In my newest work of fiction, SURRENDER TO LOVE, young widow and life coach, Dr. Teresa LopezPicMonkeyFINAL061815416pmGonzalez, lives in fear until she learns to use her spiritual eyes to discern God’s will for her life.

Available in Kindle and print versions.

You may leave a comment by clicking here. To receive these blog posts in your emailbox, please click here.

If you found this post helpful, please pass it on to someone who can benefit from reading it. Thank you!

If you have any questions, you may contact me as follows:

Email: drmaryann@maryanndiorio.com
Snail Mail: PO Box 1185, Merchantville, NJ 08109
Tel. 856-488-3580
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Copyright 2015 by Dr. MaryAnn Diorio. All Rights Reserved. This article may not be published or printed in any form whatsoever without the written permission of Dr. MaryAnn Diorio. You may contact her at maryann@maryanndiorio.com to request permission.
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Dr. Diorio is a Certified Life Coach, a Certified Biblical Counselor, and a Certified Behavioral Consultant. She is also an award-winning, widely published author of fiction for children and adults. You may reach her at maryann@maryanndiorio.com  or via one of her social media venues below:

How to Handle an Emotional Bully

“Guard your heart above all else, for it determines
the course of your life.” ~ Proverbs 4:23
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origami speech bubbles : stop bylling ! (cs5)No one likes a bully, and no one likes to be bullied. Bullying is a major issue in today’s culture.  But did you know that bullying is not only physical? Bullying can be emotional as well.

What is an emotional bully? An emotional bully is a person who abuses another person through his emotional responses toward that person. For example, an emotional bully gets upset about something but then makes his target person feel as if she is the one who is wrong and has the problem.

Emotional bullying is a form of psychological abuse that is just as bad, if not worse, than physical abuse. Unfortunately, it is seen all too often in Christian circles as well as secular ones.

How can you recognize an emotional bully? Here are some clues:

1) An emotional bully will twist words to demean you. For example, he will make himself look as though he is right and generous and you are wrong and selfish. If he is a Christian, he may even imply that you are acting contrary to the Word of God if you don’t agree with him.

2) An emotional bully will use sarcasm to humiliate you either privately or publicly. He will make jokes at your expense, not caring that those jokes cut you deeply.

3) An emotional bully will insist that you should act in a certain way–his way–and if you don’t, something is  wrong with you.  An emotional bully will try to make you feel inferior or ignorant if you don’t see things his way.

Emotional bullies are everywhere.  So, how do you deal with one? 

1) First of all, stay calm and think through what is really going on. The emotional bully would love nothing more than to get a reaction from you. Do not automatically assume that what the bully is saying is true. Check the facts. Submit them to someone you trust for input.

2) Second, respond to the bully gently but firmly.  Point out the flaws in his argument and tell him you disagree with his assessments.

3) Third, confront an emotional bully.   An emotional bully needs to be confronted so he won’t continue his evil behavior against you. Always confront in love–but confront!

4) Set boundaries for yourself as to what you will accept and not accept in your life. Remember that you alone, under Holy Spirit’s guidance, have the responsibility to manage your life. Part of healthful life management is to set boundaries for who and what you will allow into your life. Respect yourself enough not to allow an emotional bully to take control of the life that is yours alone to manage.

To help you learn more about who you are in Christ, you may wish to obtain a copy of my ebook, You Were Made for Greatness!  You Were Made for Greatness-def

You may leave a comment by clicking here. To receive these blog posts in your emailbox, please click here.

If you found this post helpful, please pass it on to someone who can benefit from reading it. Thank you!

If you have any questions, you may contact me as follows:

Email: drmaryann@maryanndiorio.com
Snail Mail: PO Box 1185, Merchantville, NJ 08109
Tel. 856-488-3580

_____________________________________
Copyright 2015 by Dr. MaryAnn Diorio. All Rights Reserved. This article may not be published or printed in any form whatsoever without the written permission of Dr. MaryAnn Diorio. You may contact her at maryann@maryanndiorio.com to request permission.

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Dr. Diorio is a Certified Life Coach, a Certified Biblical Counselor, and a Certified Behavioral Consultant. She is also an award-winning, widely published author of fiction for children and adults. You may reach her at maryann@maryanndiorio.com  or via one of her social media venues below:

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