Today I have a special treat for my blog subscribers. It is my interview with author Stacy Lee Flury, author of the life-changing devotional titled Turning the Tide of Emotional Turbulence. If you are the parent of a teen in crisis or know a teen in crisis, you will especially benefit from Stacy’s insights during this interview.
NOTE: There is no podcast to accompany this week’s post.
MARYANN:
Stacy, welcome to my blog! I am so honored to have you here today. Please tell us a little about yourself and how you came to write the exceptional and much-needed devotional titled Turning the Tide of Emotional Turbulence.
STACY:
Thank you for your invitation. To share a little about myself, I have been married for 37 years, have two daughters, two grandchildren, and one dog and three cats. I have been involved in children and youth ministries for over 15 years and now sing on the worship team at my local church and blog to parents who are hurting.
Ten years ago, my youngest daughter started to exhibit some troubling and concerning issues. As she aged, they became worse, and we did not understand the root of where they were coming from. Some of these problems were self-injury, sub-culture identities, gender issues, porn, risk-taking and destructive behaviors, such as depression and suicidal ideology, to name a few.
It wasn’t until much later that she was diagnosed with PTSD, anxiety, and borderline personality disorder. Eventually, the problems escalated so much, we went into counseling. That was the best step for me personally.
Through an assignment given to me from my counselor, I was asked to write about my own depression that was brought on by parenting a child in constant crisis. Those moments of journaling turned into a blog. From there, God laid upon my heart that there were thousands of parents who were struggling and broken like I was in trying to help their child in crisis. He encouraged me through confirmations to write a book. A devotional book for parents just like me. That book is Turning the Tide of Emotional Turbulence.
MARYANN:
Parents of teens in crisis face struggles that most parents might consider foreign to their own parenting experience. These are not the struggles involving ordinary teen challenges. They are far deeper, far more complex, and far more overwhelming. What advice would you give to a parent who has been blindsided by a teen in crisis? Where should that parent turn first?
STACY:
They first need to know that they are NOT alone. Many parents such as myself, hid behind a facade to hide what was going on in their home and lives. It felt shameful, embarrassing. We carried a lot of guilt and failure as parents. It is not always the parent’s fault. A teen and young adult are old enough to make some of their own choices and decisions. Mind you, there are also some children who have severe illnesses and disorders. Again, this is NOT the fault of the parent. So release the guilt and blame on yourself.
Secondly, you will go through various stages of emotions when your child’s issues are exposed and truth comes to the surface. There is Shock, Unbelief, Anger, Sadness, Guilt, and a plethora of other emotions that you might not have dealt with before. These are all normal. Connecting with a Counselor for yourself and for your child is the first place to start. You need that support as well as your child in order to understand the condition of your child, what present things you need to address, and how to move forward with hope. Also, it is imperative that you connect with the pastoral staff of your church. If you don’t have any, I would advise to seek out one at a church. Share only to those (with family and close friends) that you trust so that they can come along side of you and pray for you. Once all of these are in place, you can start to prepare a plan that will guide your family to healing and restoration. It will not happen overnight. It takes time. So bathe yourself in prayer and the Word. God will help you along the way.
MARYANN:
In your book, Stacy, you talk about the “punch of powerlessness”. You brilliantly describe it as a “swarm of dizzy perpetrated by an unsettling dilemma.” While we all have faced situations that sent us reeling, in what unique way does the “punch of powerlessness” affect the parent of a teen in crisis?
STACY:
If you have ever seen the Superman hero being hit hard with Cryptonite (the very thing that takes all of his power away), and he drops to the ground powerless, unable to move, holding his head in utter loss, that was me. Anytime something shocking happens, leaving you breathless, and dumbfounded by what you have heard or seen, that in itself is the definition of being punched with powerlessness.
For example, the moment I was just told that my daughter was facing twenty years in prison at the age of 17. You have no control, you are numb, you can’t think straight to what you just heard, and you wonder what you did to fail them. It doesn’t have to be a situation like this. A parent could be confronted with the realization that their teen/young adult has a serious addiction problem. Maybe the parent just found out that their son wants to change their gender and be a girl. Or maybe, their child informed the parents that they are bi-sexual.
MARYANN:
As an author, what I love most about your book is your willingness to be vulnerable and transparent. We all struggle with different things in life, and when an author gives us truth rather than platitudes, we connect with that author and her message. Many parents of teens in crisis are afraid to be open about their struggles. Have you always had this transparency regarding the crises you faced with your teen, or did you have to grow into becoming transparent? If the latter, how did you develop transparency?
STACY:
In the beginning stages of my daughter’s issues, I kept everything a secret. I had already felt judged through the actions my daughter was outlandishly doing (like being Goth and writing dark words and images all over her body), so sharing about what was really going on in my home was taboo. This became more personal to me as if I was the one with the problem and I wasn’t helping my daughter the way a parent should.
With that in mind, I distanced myself from family, friends, and the Church. There came a time, however, that I could no longer do this as my daughter’s problems became so out of control. I put my pride aside and put my daughter first. That was the beginning of my life being humbled to how God wanted to use my brokenness as well as my daughter to help others. When I became stronger in my faith through my daughter’s crises, the veil of hiding lowered and my vulnerability was secured in Christ. There was a freedom I had in my vulnerability that I had not experienced before.
MARYANN:
Praise the Lord! Stacy, I have known you both as a friend, a fellow writer, and a fellow congregant for a few years now, and I have been greatly inspired by your faith, your endurance, and your adherence to God’s Word. You are a shining example of a Christ-Follower who runs your race with great courage and determination. Please share with our readers a few things you have learned about God’s grace during your journey.
STACY:
I learned that when I was at my lowest and weakest, I also had the most intimate relationship with God. I cried, screamed, threw fits of anger, pleaded, begged, and worshipped like I had never done in the past. The best part, He bent His ear to hear me. He extended grace and mercy to my family when He didn’t have to. He never gave up on our family.
MARYANN:
What advice would you give to parents whose marriage is being adversely affected by their teen in crisis?
STACY:
You MUST pray together. It is imperative that you do so. Otherwise, satan will bring division into the marriage to distract parents from working as a team to help their child. Another point to know is that each parent has a different way of coping in a crisis with their child. Maybe the husband is quiet and not vocal about the situation over the child. This does not mean he doesn’t care. He may need time to think and evaluate himself as a parent, his relationship with his child, and future decisions for the healing of their teen/young adult. The wife may do things very differently as her way of coping. Neither is wrong. But spouses need to allow the other to heal and comprehend and move forward in each situation so when that time comes in which they meet to discuss or work on a plan for their child in crisis, they will be totally focused on the child and not themselves.
MARYANN:
How should parents of a teen in crisis handle the needs of other children in the family who are not in crisis?
STACY:
They need to let the siblings know that although their brother or sister is in crisis, they will still be there for them. It is important that the child in crisis has a counselor. This way the issues are being discussed and handled with the counselor, leaving the parents to focus more on the other children. Other siblings may also need to be in counseling every once in a while so that their voice is heard during this crucial time. They have many different feelings towards their sibling in crisis. They could be jealous that their brother or sister is getting more attention. They could be sad because they feel in some way responsible for their brother or sister in crisis. They could be angry because their lives have been uprooted and plans changed all because of the issues with the sibling in crisis. They need to vent too. They need to feel safe to share what is bothering them too.
MARYANN:
What kinds of problems did you encounter during the writing of your book?
STACY:
I can honestly laugh at this. Let’s see! I lost my house and my husband lost his business. We went into bankruptcy. I lost many friends who coudln’t understand the challenges of raising a child who was in constant crisis. My relationship with my older daughter fell apart. We had to leave our church that I was a part of for 40 years in order to find healing for our family at another church. Crises escalating with our daughter, marriage hurting, and so many attacks on our family in the strangest of ways that would seem like a night flick mystery movie. But GOD IS GOOD! He replenished, restored, and brought us out of the wilderness.
MARYANN:
Hallelujah! Our God is always faithful! Praise His Holy Name! Stacy, shat advice would you give to a writer just starting out?
STACY:
Don’t give up! Don’t rush. Take your time. Listen to God’s still small voice. Go to Writer Conferences (many offering virtual) that can give you so many ideas, encouragement, and connections.
MARYANN:
Do you have any more books in the works? If so, would you give us a glimpse of what lies ahead for readers?
STACY:
I am waiting to see what the Lord shows me next as to another book. ?
MARYANN:
Well, I know God has great things in store for you, Stacy. Thank you so much for being with us today and for sharing with us from your heart. And blessings on you and your precious family!
To obtain a copy of Stacy’s book on Amazon, click here.
To obtain a copy of Stacy’s book from her publisher, click on the link below:
To watch a video of an interview with Stacy by Cathy Taylor, founder of Hurting Moms, Mending Hearts, go here:
https://www.facebook.com/watch/live/?v=581113289120153&ref=watch_permalink
Also, I encourage you to connect with Stacy’s ministry via the following venues:
Stacy’s Facebook Page – www.facebook.com/AnchorOfPromise
