by Dr. MaryAnn Diorio, Your Virtual Life Coach

“Guard your heart above all else,
for it determines the course of your life.” ~ Proverbs 4: 23

Victim or Victor. Both words begin with the same four letters, but they are complete opposites in definition. Which one are you?

Let’s take a look at some of the characteristics of each. See where you fit in.


believe they have little or no control over their lives. They are swept along by the desires of others and refuse to take responsibility for their lives. They often don’t know how to say no.

—think that their past equals their future. They feel condemned and controlled by what happened to them and hopeless that things will ever change.

are ruled by their circumstances. Victims feel powerless to do anything about their circumstances and, hence, succumb to them.


believe that they alone are responsible for their lives. They do not allow others to control their lives. They “own” their lives and take charge of them under the leadership of the Holy Spirit.

know that their past does not equal their future. They feel empowered to make those choices that will create for them the kind of life they want to live. They believe that they have a free will that can change things.

are not ruled by their circumstances. Instead, they rule over their circumstances by the pro-active way in which they respond to their circumstances.

So, which one are you?  Victim or Victor?

“You are a victor to the degree to which you take charge of your life.”
                                                                         ~ Dr. MaryAnn Diorio

If you discovered that you are a victim, you can change. If you discovered that you are a victor, keep doing what you’re doing. But if, like most of us, you found yourself somewhere in-between, take heart.  God is still working on us. The fact that we are still on this earth means that God has not finished with us yet.

So, be encouraged. It is only by His power that we can be set free from a victim mentality and develop a victor mentality. Ask the Lord to help you see where your thinking is wrong and to change it. Depend on Him to help you break free of the chains of victimization and to walk in the freedom He died to give you.

In their pivotal book, It’s Not My Fault, Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend make a critically important statement: “You can be free from whatever situation surrounds you to the degree that you are willing to take responsibility and ownership for it, even it it’s not your fault.” 

So, whether you are a victim or a victor depends on whether or not you choose to take full responsibility for your life–in other words, whether or not you choose to “own” your life.

Make that choice now! Choose to be a victor by taking responsbility for your thoughts, your words, and your actions. As you do, you will discover more and more that you are gaining victory over your life instead of being a victim of it.

Now, it’s YOUR turn:  Are you a victim or a victor? How can you tell? Please leave your response in the Comment Box below. Thank you!

TWEETABLE:  “Victim or Victor: Which One Are You?” by Dr. MaryAnn Diorio (Click to Tweet)

Don’t miss my 3-minute podcast below that accompanies this post : Are You a Victim or a Victor?

If you found this post helpful, please forward it to a friend. Thank you! Check our archives in the right sidebar for older posts on a variety of topics. You may also search for a particular topic in the search box at the top right. Some of our most popular posts are:

How to Conquer Stinkin’ Thinkin’

How to Make Change Your Ally

Are You Playing the Blame Game?

Are You a Mess of Stress?

For additional encouragement, check out my podcasts at the following links:

A Moment with MaryAnn – Podcasts on Living the Good Life

Winning with the Word Podcast Series

Write Your Heart Out! – Podcasts for Writers

NOTE: If you are struggling to know your purpose in life, I can help you! As a highly experienced Certified Life Coach, I will help you set priorities in line with your God-given purpose. For more information or to set up a phone appointment, please send me an email at You’ll be taking a major step toward fulfilling your destiny!

Please tell your family and friends about this blog and please pass this post on to them. Thank you!

To help you learn about your true identity in Christ, I wrote YOU WERE MADE FOR GREATNESS!. This book will reveal to you the power and authority you have to bring about effective change in your life through Jesus Christ. Get your copy now!

greatness-ebook-cover-072516Learn about your power and authority in the Kingdom of God! Discover who you truly are in Jesus Christ!






Matters of the Heart is a weekly blog that deals with the deepest issues of the human heart, the issues we all face but sometimes don’t want to talk about. The heart is the programming center of our lives. What is programmed into our heart will affect every area of our lives. Learn how to discover what is in your heart and how to program your heart for success.

AN INVITATION TO YOU: To follow this blog via Facebook, click here. If you are not on Facebook or would prefer to subscribe via a different venue, please check the sidebar to the right for subscription options. Thank you!


Join my Team and get a free copy of my ebook on balancing your life.


Copyright 2000-2017 by Dr. MaryAnn Diorio. All Rights Reserved. This article may not be published or printed in any form whatsoever without the written permission of Dr. MaryAnn Diorio. You may contact her at to request permission. Required Disclosure: MaryAnn Diorio is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to

Disclaimer: This site uses cookies. Your continued use of this site constitutes your consent to our use of cookies. 

How to Move Your Life from Bitter to Better

“Guard your heart above all else, for it determines
the course of your life.” ~ Proverbs 4:23

Two words. Only one letter makes them different. But that one letter puts them at opposite ends of the attitude spectrum.

A Negative Mind Will Never Give You A Positive Life Concept text on background

Bitter implies a negative response to life’s circumstances: anger, hurt, resentment.  

Better implies a positive, pro-active response to life’s circumstances: courage, confrontation, commitment.

Bitter implies victim-hood. Better implies victor-hood.

One word determines which will prevail: Choice.

I welcome your comments. You may leave a comment by clicking here.

To receive these blog posts in your mailbox, please click here.

If you found this post helpful, please forward it to a friend. Thank you!


Post Footer Content