The Relationship Road | MaryAnn Diorio

The Relationship Road Blog

The Truth about Submission in Marriage

by Dr. MaryAnn Diorio | Aug 21, 2025 | The Relationship Road

August 21, 2025

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Hello and Happy Day! This is Dr. MaryAnn Diorio, Certified Life Coach, Behavioral Consultant, Biblical Counselor, and award-winning Novelist coming to you today with another episode of The Relationship Road: Where Life and Fiction Meet. If you are a lover of stories—whether real-life or fictional—then you’re in the right place. Our episode this week is titled “The Truth about Submission in Marriage.”

From the fall of Adam and Eve, one of the greatest controversies in marriage has been the topic of submission. Much false teaching surrounds this topic, and it is my purpose to hellp correct some of this false teaching by returning to the Word of God on the matter. Indeed, the Word of God should always be our final authority in understanding any topic.

The Bible clearly teaches in Ephesians 5: 22-23 that wives must submit to their husbands. Let’s go to that passage for clarity:

“Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.“

During my former, pre-born-again days as a feminist-leaning wife, that verse would rattle my comfort zone and curl the hair on top of my head. But today, after 55 years of marriage and of walking with the Lord, I see that verse in a totally different light. In the light of Truth.

And that is what I would like to share with you today. The truth about submission.

In the liberal, woke culture in which we live today, as soon as we hear the word submission, we think slavery. But submission is as far from slavery as a concept can get. Indeed, submission is the very opposite of slavery.

So, what is submission? Let’s start with the definition. In his 1828 dictionary, Noah Webster defines submission as “the act of yielding to power or authority.” From before all time, authority has always existed because God has always existed. Indeed, authority is inherent in God because He is the Creator of all that exists.

Well, what is authority?

Authority is the right to exercise power and command. It is the right to determine how something is supposed to function. More specifically, authority is the right to determine how something one has created is supposed to function.

A creator has inherent authority over his creation. If you create a painting you have authority over that painting. If you create a new invention to automate shopping at a supermarket, you have authority over that invention because you created it.

And so it is with the authority of God. Since He created everything, He has authority over everything. He also has the right to delegate His authority to whomever He chooses and in whatever way He chooses.

When God created man, He preordained for man to function in a certain way. That way is the way of holiness and obedience to His Word. When man lives in holiness and obedience to God’s Word, man is functioning normally, as God intended him to function. When man does not live in holiness and obedience to God’s Word, man is functioning abnormally.

When God created man, He also delegated to man the authority over the earth. But man forfeited that authority through sin and handed over his authority to Satan. That is the reason there is evil in the world today.

In order to implement His purpose for man, God instituted a hierarchy of authority in which He, the Creator, is supreme; Jesus Christ His Son is in submission to Him; the husband in a marriage is in submission to Jesus; the wife in a marriage is in submission to her husband; and the children are in submission to their parents.

The purpose of this hierarchical structure is to maintain order and to provide protection to those who are in submission to the higher authority. So, a husband in submission to Christ is not only being protected by Christ but he is also providing protection for his wife and children. A wife who is in submission to her husband and to the Lord is being protected by both her husband and the Lord and is, in turn, protecting her children.

The Purpose of Authority

The purpose of authority is in no way to abuse those under one’s authority, but to serve them. Jesus Christ came to serve us by giving His very life so that we could be saved.

Likewise, the purpose of the husband’s authority is to serve his wife and children by sacrificing for her well-being and that of their children.

In God’s hierarchical structure, therefore, the husband serves the wife just as Jesus serves the Church by giving Himself for her.

Living in holiness and obedience—the way God originally intended us to live—implies submission to a higher authority. Today, submission is considered archaic, an attitude that demeans a person’s worth. Yet, Jesus submitted to the will of the Father in going to the Cross, and Christ’s obedience in no way diminished His worth. Nor does the submission of a wife to her husband diminish her worth.

Husband and wife are equal in worth but different in function. This truth was established and exemplified even before the fall of man. Scripture tells us Adam was created first, and then Eve. So their very order of creation reveals the order of authority. First in order of creation does not mean first or better in worth but simply first in authority.

Over the centuries, there has been much abuse of authority, especially by men over women. Such abuse is the result of sin and never comes from God. Even the Church has preached a wrong understanding of authority, due to ingrained cultural beliefs that have no basis in the Word of God.

Furthermore, the Scriptural mandate of submission between a man and a woman applies only to the marriage relationship, not to any other relationship. For example, a woman can have authority over a man in the workplace.

Mutual Submission

Finally, there is an often overlooked verse that appears before the one about wives submitting to their husbands. It is found in Ephesians 5: 21 and is this: “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” Interestingly, submission in marriage is also two-way. There are times not only when a wife must submit to her husband, but also times when a husband should wisely submit to his wife’s counsel. Since she was given to him as a helpmate, the Lord will help her to give wise advice to her husband in times of decision-making. At times like these, the husband should not minimize his wife’s counsel but take heed to it, for she could save him from disaster. Many a husband has expressed great remorse at having scorned his wife’s counsel and gone his own way.

Bottomline, the attitude of heart in a marriage should be love and mutual respect for one’s spouse, whether husband or wife, and above all, reverence for God Who holds authority over both husband and wife.

Until next time, remember the Golden Rule of great relationships: Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.
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FEATURED NOVEL OF THE WEEK:

The Madonna of Pisano

Book 1 in The Italian Chronicles Trilogy

Maria Landro finds herself shamefully abused by one who has overstepped the limits of his authority.