September 4, 2025
Hello and Happy Day! This is Dr. MaryAnn Diorio, Novelist and Life Coach, welcoming you to another episode of Winning with the Word. Today is Thursday, September 4, 2025, and this is episode #16 in Series 2025. This episode is titled, “3 Steps to Good Communication.”
Before we get into our message for this week, I want to extend a warm welcome to all of our new subscribers around the world. By the grace of God, Winning with the Word now reaches 85 countries all over the globe! Praise the Lord and glory to God!
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Now on to our message.
In James 1: 19 NLT, Scripture gives us the following command: “You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.” Being naturally of an impulsive nature, I have had to learn some hard lessons in order to reach the point where I can obey this command without an immense struggle. Even today, however, I still struggle occasionally, but, on the whole, I have learned to listen before I speak.
From my own personal experience and my more than quarter-of-a-century as a Certified Life Coach, I’ve come to the conclusion that one of the most important keys for healthful relationships is the ability to listen before speaking. Having failed in this area many times myself, I now share with you what I’ve learned so that you will avoid many of the problems I got myself into because of my former impulsiveness.
You will notice that the Lord’s command has three parts:
1) Be quick to listen.
2) Be slow to speak.
3) Be slow to get angry.
Why does the Bible give us this three-part command? I think a primary reason is that God is all about relationship, and He is eager for us to learn how to cultivate and nurture good relationships.
Building a good relationship requires good communication. This passage of Scripture reveals to us the three elements of good communication.
So, let’s dive right into our passage.
Be Quick to Listen
Point #1 is “Be quick to listen.” Why is listening first so important in a relationship?
The reason is that listening sets us up to understand. And understanding is the first stage of good communication and, therefore, good relationships. When we can successfully communicate our thoughts and our emotions to someone who is truly listening to us, we feel validated. A good listener gives his or her undivided attention to the one speaking and is more concerned about what the other person in the relationship has to say than about what he has to say.
When we listen before speaking, we can gather all the facts surrounding an issue. In gathering the facts first, we can then use wisdom in solving the problem. Moreover, when we listen first and gain understanding, we see the situation from the other person’s point of view and thereby we avoid speaking harsh words and getting angry.
Most of us are more eager to express our own opinion than listen to the opinion of others. This attitude is rooted in pride and self-centeredness, traits we need to crucify daily.
Be Slow to Speak
Point #2 is “Be slow to speak.” When we take time to listen first before we speak, we demonstrate love and respect toward the person who is engaged in the conversation with us. We are deferring to that person’s needs rather than insisting on expressing our own. Also, when we are slow to speak, we avoid formulating answers that make no sense and are not helpful because they are not based on the facts. Listening means that we refrain from offering our opinion or viewpoint until the person speaking has finished conveying his complaint.
Proverbs 17: 27 teaches us that “Whoever restrains his words has knowledge, and he who has a cool spirit is a man of understanding.”
Be slow to get angry.
Point #3 is “Be slow to get angry.” When we listen first and then speak, we will not fall into anger. Listening first gives us understanding of the situation at hand. Understanding keeps us from getting angry and saying things we shouldn’t say.
Usually we fall into anger when we don’t listen. We allow the emotions of the moment to overtake us and overwhelm us. Anger indicates that we are focusing more on ourselves than on the other person in the relationship.
Also, when we get angry, our flesh doesn’t want to listen but to retaliate. This causes us to say things that are hurtful and that could inflict lasting damage to the relationship.
If you are struggling with communication in a relationship—whether it be marriage, parenting, friendship, or the workplace—begin to apply these three Biblical steps to your relationship. Soon you will find that your relationship is improving immensely, all because you learned be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.
For a fictional example of a character who speaks before listening, check out Don Franco Malbone in my page-turner novel, The Madonna of Pisano, available at the link below. In this powerful story, Don Franco stifles Maria’s speech to his own detriment, destruction, and damnation.
Until next time, remember the Golden Rule of great relationships: Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.
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