False Expectations and False Assumptions

June 21, 2025

Hello and Happy Day! This is Dr. MaryAnn Diorio, Novelist and Life Coach, welcoming you to another episode of “The Relationship Road.” Today is Saturday, June 21, 2025, and this is Episode #3. This episode is titled “False Expectations and False Assumptions: A Sure Setup for Relationship Failure.”

Expectations. We all have them. Assumptions. We all make them. Yet, expectations and assumptions are two of the biggest causes of failed relationships.

Why?

Because both expectations and assumptions are most often based on lies. And lies destroy relationships just as surely as a crumbling foundation will destroy the house that sits on it.

As always, let’s first define our terms. What is an expectation?

Expectations
An expectation is an act or a fact that we anticipate will be fulfilled in our lives. For example, we may have an expectation to be chosen for the managerial position at our job. Or we may expect that our spouse will always be kind and loving. Or we may expect that our son or daughter will follow in our footsteps.

Whatever the case may be, an expectation is a picture we form in our minds of how a particular situation will transpire.

Assumptions
An assumption is similar to an expectation. An assumption is a fact or a statement that is taken for granted. For example, a husband assumes that his wife will be faithful to him. A child assumes that his parents will take care of him. An employee assumes that he will be paid for his work.

Some expectations and some assumptions are legitimate, but most are not.

For example, a wife who expects her husband to be faithful to her has a legitimate expectation. If she assumes that he is, indeed, being faithful to her, she also makes a legitimate assumption. After all, each of them promised the other to be faithful to each other until death should part them.

A boss who expects his employee to give an honest day’s work for an honest day’s wage has a legitimate expectation. That boss also makes a legitimate assumption when he assumes that his employee will give an honest day’s work for an honest day’s pay.

Likewise, a child who expects his parents to provide for him has a legitimate expectation and makes a legitimate assumption when he assumes that his parents will, indeed, take care of him.

When, however, expectations are not legitimate and assumptions are not realistic, relationship problems occur.

For example, suppose a husband comes home from work expecting a relaxing evening of watching football on TV after a long, hard day. His wife, on the other hand, has had one of the worst days of her life dealing with unruly children, a broken washing machine, and a stern warning from her boss that she either shape up or ship out. At the end of the day, the only thing this bedraggled wife wants is a two-week vacation alone on a deserted island.

In this scenario, each spouse expects something different. The husband expects rest and relaxation. The wife expects a compassionate and understanding husband who will help ease her load. But each spouse gets something entirely different from what he or she expected.

So, how should the husband and wife handle such a situation?

We see from this situation that the husband’s expectation is founded on his own needs, not on his wife’s needs. The wife’s expectation, likewise, is founded on her own needs and not on her husband’s needs.

Likewise, the husband’s assumption is founded on his own needs. He expects a willing wife when he gets home from a hard day of work, and he assumes that he will get one. The wife’s assumption is also founded on her own needs. She expects an understanding husband who will consider her needs instead of his own and assumes that she will get one.

The result: Conflict.

Unless . . . one or both parties is willing to sacrifice his or her own needs for the needs of the other.

Or, unless a mutually beneficial resolution can be reached that will meet both the husband’s and the wife’s needs.

Such a resolution can be reached if the spouses love each other with agape love.

You might be wondering: What is agape love?

Next time, we will talk about this kind of love because it is at the root of all outstanding relationships. Without it, in fact, the relationship is in danger of falling apart.

Before I close, I’d like to invite you to visit my Online BookShop at shop.maryanndiorio.com for a wide variety of outstanding books, both fiction and nonfiction, to help you in your journey toward building better relationships. Again, that’s shop.maryanndiorio.com.

So, my Friend, until next time, remember to treat others as you would like to be treated, and you will find that your relationships will become what you always wanted them to be.