The Relationship Road Blog

How to Handle Conflict

by Dr. MaryAnn Diorio | The Relationship Road | 0 comments

August 28, 2025

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Hello and Happy Day! This is Dr. MaryAnn Diorio, Certified Life Coach, Behavioral Consultant, Biblical Counselor, and award-winning Novelist coming to you today with another episode of The Relationship Road: Where Life and Fiction Meet. If you are a lover of stories—whether real-life or fictional—then you’re in the right place. Our episode this week is titled “How to Handle Conflict.”

At some point in any relationship, you will encounter conflict. Many people do everything in their power to avoid conflict at all costs. But is this always the best way to resolve a relationship issue?

Let’s consider the definition of conflict. The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines conflict as follows: “mental struggle resulting from incompatible or opposing needs, drives, wishes, or external or internal demands.” I would add that conflict involves not only a mental struggle but also an emotional, psychological, and spiritual one.

Notice some key words in this definition: struggle, opposing, needs, wishes, demands. In every conflict, we will find needs, desires, and demands that are in opposition to the needs desires, and demands of the person with whom we are in conflict.

That said, let’s consider a common situation that occurs in marriage. The holidays roll around and the husband wants to spend them with his set of parents, while the wife wants to spend them with her set of parents. A struggle ensues because opposing needs and wishes are on the line.

The couple now has two choices: Get into a major conflict and end up going nowhere, or come to a compromise that makes the situation a win-win for both.

For example, they could decide to visit one set of parents for Thanksgiving and another for Christmas. Or they could decide to alternate years, visiting one set on odd years and one set on even years.

Yet, many couples never get to the compromise stage. Instead, they become embroiled in a battle of the wills, get stuck in the struggle stage, and stay there. Or worse yet, one spouse suppresses his or her true feelings and simply gives in to avoid conflict. The result is that one spouse always has his needs met while the other never does. Over time, the spouse who always gives in grows resentful, while the one who always gets his or her way grows more proud and selfish.

Most people view conflict as a bad thing. Something that causes pain. Yet, what if I told you that conflict can be a good thing? An opportunity for tremendous growth?

Let’s consider the caterpillar. Unless the caterpillar is willing to go through the struggle—in other words, the conflict—of breaking out of its cocoon, it will never become a butterfly. Likewise, the chick in the egg. Unless the chick is willing to go through the struggle, or conflict, of breaking out of the egg, it will never be free.

And so it is with human conflict. Conflict in and of itself is not a bad thing. As with money, the way one handles conflict is what matters. For example, throwing dishes during a conflict is not the proper way to handle conflict. Calm, rational discussion is.

Most people who avoid conflict have a wrong perception of conflict. They view it as a battle in which someone always gets hurt. The truth, however, is that conflict can lead us to new dimensions of growth. In fact, some dimensions of growth are achieved only through conflict.

So the next time you face conflict, view it not as a liability but as an asset. Handle it Biblically, and you will discover that conflict can be the means to growth in understanding yourself and in understanding your spouse.

For a fictional example of a marriage in serious conflict, get yourself a copy of my page-turner novel, The Rabbi and Mrs. Goldstein, available at the link below.

Until next time, remember the Golden Rule of great relationships: Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.
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FEATURED NOVEL OF THE WEEK:

The Rabbi and Mrs. Goldstein by MaryAnn Diorio

Conflict at its peak: A 19th-century rabbi’s wife accepts Yeshua as the Messiah and faces divorce, destruction, and death.