Dr. MaryAnn Diorio

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August 2, 2025

Nothing is more painful in a relationship—especially in a marriage relationship—than betrayal. I deal with the topic of betrayal in my novel titled The Madonna of Pisano, Book 1 in my award-winning trilogy, The Italian Chronicles.

Without giving away the story, Maria Landro, the main character in The Madonna of Pisano, faces a betrayal that turns her life upside down and sets it on a course that will lead her only to despair and revenge.

This is what betrayal does. It causes us to want to lose hope and to want to destroy the person who destroyed us.

But following this path only leads to further destruction and despair.

Betrayal occurs in many relationships, but it causes the most harm and the most pain when it occurs in marriage. One spouse, for example, may be unfaithful to the other and commit adultery, thereby destroying the trust so essential to a healthful marriage.

Or one spouse may accrue huge, insurmountable debt without telling the other spouse. For example, a spouse who gambles or who has no financial boundaries can wreak havoc on the marriage, not only financially but also relationally.

Hiding something from a spouse that should not be hidden is another form of betrayal. While the concealment may seem small, it could lead to bigger and bigger concealments, to the point that all trust is shattered.

All of these are forms of unfaithfulness to one’s spouse.

Unfaithfulness is not only physical. It can be emotional and, in such a case, is called emotional adultery. (In a future post, I will deal with the topic of emotional adultery).

Whatever the case may be, betrayal is a beast. It is one of the most devastating—if not the most devastating—form of pain a human could ever experience. It not only is a gross violation of trust, but it also makes the one betrayed vulnerable to unwanted exposure and shame.

The deeper the relationship, the deeper and more painful the sense of betrayal. So what should you do if you have experienced betrayal? What is the Biblical way to handle this most painful event?

We can find our answer in the way Jesus Himself handled betrayal. He experienced the worst betrayal in the history of humanity: betrayal by one of His chosen apostles, Judas Iscariot. For thirty pieces of silver, Judas betrayed the very Son of God. In the words of Christ Himself in John 13: 18 and quoting Psalm 41: 9, “He who ate My bread has lifted his heel against Me.”

But what did Jesus do after Judas betrayed Him?

CONFRONTATION

1) Jesus confronted Judas. When someone betrays us, we must confront that person. Why? Because trust requires—indeed, demands—accountability. Trust is not given; it is earned. When two people marry, they willingly place their trust in each other to be faithful to the relationship in every way—physically, emotionally, psychologically, mentally, financially, and spiritually. When one spouse breaks that trust, the other has every right to hold the betrayer accountable. But the confrontation must be done in love.

When Jesus was betrayed by Judas, Jesus responded in love toward him, even to the point of calling him “friend” (Matthew 26: 50). When we are betrayed, we need to respond in love as well, speaking truth to the one who betrayed us. To confront is to love.

There are those who avoid confrontation at all costs. But this is mistake. It is not the confronting that is the problem; it is the manner of confronting.

So confront your betrayer in love.


FORGIVENESS

2) Jesus forgave Judas. Jesus did not retaliate. He did not become bitter, nor did He become angry. He simply forgave in love.

Judas knew full well the unimaginable betrayal he had committed. I believe that if Judash had repented, as Peter repented, Jesus would have forgiven him.

When you confront your betrayer, he or she will know full well the betrayal involved. Confrontation helps the betrayer recognize his sin and, we hope, repent of it.

After David sinned with Bathsheba, Nathan the Prophet confronted him in a firm but loving way. To David’s credit, he acknowledged his sin and repented. Had Nathan not confronted him, David might not have acknowledged his sin nor repented of it.

Years later, after Joseph was betrayed by his brothers, he confronted them, making them aware of their sin, but then forgiving them.

The purpose of confrontation is to lead the betrayer to admitting his guilt so that repentance can follow. Moreover, the one betrayed must always forgive, no matter how difficult.

You may be thinking, “Well, sure, Jesus is God. I’m a human. I can’t forgive.”

You’re right. We humans cannot forgive in our own strength. Nor could Jesus when He was on earth because He lived as a man on the earth, putting aside His power as God. This truth about Jesus is described in Philippians 2: 6-7 NIV:

“Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness.”

Jesus forgave by the strength of the Father. We, too, can forgive in God’s strength. When Jesus forgave Judas, Jesus was acting as a man, not as God. In becoming a man, Jesus chose to put aside His power as God and to live his earthly life as a man. He was still fully God, but He was also fully man. So in order to forgive Judas, Jesus acted as a man, drawing on His Father’s grace to forgive.

And we must do the same.

Betrayal strikes at the very heart of a relationship. If you have experienced betrayal, whether that of a spouse, a relative, a friend, or a co-worker, I urge you to cry out to God and seek His strength to forgive your betrayer. You will be doing yourself a huge favor, because when we forgive, we are the ones who are set free.

The Word of God says in Deuteronomy 32: 35 that vengeance belongs to the Lord. So don’t try to punish the one who betrayed you. Let God deal with him. Better yet, if you truly want to imitate Christ, ask God to have mercy on the one who betrayed you.

Also, if you want to see how a fictional character handles betrayal, I invite you to read The Madonna of Pisano. Maria Landro’s handling of betrayal will surprise you and may even offer you some effective ideas on how to handle your own betrayal.

To purchase your copy of The Madonna of Pisano, click on one of the links below:

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Until next time, Lord willing, remember the Golden Rule of Great Relationships: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

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Copyright 2025 by MaryAnn Diorio, PhD. All Rights Reserved.