September 18, 2025
Welcome to this week’s stop on The Relationship Road. Please check out my online bookshop at shop.maryanndiorio.com for a wide selection of heart-warming books that will bring healing, hope, and happily-ever-after to your life.
Now on to this week’s message: When Decibels Rise.
If you’re at all like me, you’ve had a few episodes in your life when you raised your voice a bit more than you should have. I call these moments “high decibel moments,” and I look on them as times of weakness in my life and times of grieving the Holy Spirit. Times for which I have had to repent.
Now, I’m not saying that all high decibel moments are wrong. For instance, when your child is outside playing, it may be necessary to call him in using a high decibel moment. Or if there is an emergency, it may be necessary to shout. But most of the time, we can keep our voices in normal range, keeping the peace at the same time.
So what can you do if you are prone to high decibel moments when they are not warranted? In other words, how can you keep from getting angry when you shouldn’t?
Here are a few tips from the Bible. These tips will ensure that your relationship remain solid and healthful and that you don’t get yourself into deep water.
1) Reply to loud decibels with soft ones. The Bible tells us in Proverbs 15: 1 that “a soft word turns away wrath.” I like the way the New Living Translation puts it: “A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare.”
I love to see this verse in action. The next time someone shouts at you in anger, respond in a soft voice. Amazingly, the angry person will lower his voice, too. It happens every time.
2) Listen first and then speak. Let the angry person vent his frustrations. Doing so will calm him down so that you both can engage in a rational conversation. James 1: 19 advises us to be quick to listen and slow to speak.
3) Validate the angry person’s feelings. Angry people usually do not feel understood. When we make an effort to put ourselves in their shoes, it will greatly help the situation. This doesn’t mean that we condone their behavior. It does mean that we do our best to empathize with them, to see the situation from their point of view. Validated people are more likely to calm down and handle the issue rationally.
Applying the above three steps to those times when you are dealing with an angry, frustrated person will make a big difference in resolving the issue. Of course, there are some cases that will require greater intervention. But in normal situations, these three principles are the only steps you need.
Finally, in all of your relationships, remember this: “People with understanding control their anger; a hot temper shows great foolishness.” (Proverbs 14: 29).
For a fictional example of a character who struggled with an angry husband, read my award-winning novel, The Rabbi and Mrs. Goldstein. Details follow at the end of this post.
Until next time, remember the Golden Rule of great relationships: Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.
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FEATURED NOVEL OF THE WEEK:
The Rabbi and Mrs. Goldstein – Book 3 in The Wives of Old Cape May Series
A 19th-century rabbi’s wife accepts Yeshua as the Messiah and faces divorce, destruction, and death.
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Copyright 2025 by MaryAnn Diorio, PhD, MFA. All Rights Reserved.
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