ARE YOU AFRAID OF CONFRONTATION?

by Dr. MaryAnn Diorio, Your Virtual Life Coach

Guard your heart above all else,
for it determines the course of your life.” ~ Proverbs 4: 23
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Do you hate confrontation? Are you one of those people who gets uptight when there is the slightest indication of anger, upset, or instability in the status quo?

If so, you are not alone!

But while you may not be alone, you may be in trouble!

Why? Because confrontation is essential to growth. Without it, we will remain imprisoned in unhealthful relationship patterns. We will not experience the abundant life Jesus died to give us. In fact, we will not fulfill our God-given destiny.

Consider the caterpillar. Without confrontation–i.e., confronting the cocoon–the caterpillar would never turn into a butterfly.

Consider also the chick in the egg. Without confrontation–i.e., pushing against the eggshell to escape its confines–the chick would never emerge to live out its destiny as a chicken.

And consider the human being. Without confrontation–i.e., pushing through the obstacles that hinder healthful relationships and God’s plan for our lives–we would never grow into the truthful and loving people God created us to be.

No, it’s not confrontation that is the problem. It is the manner in which we handle confrontation.

“It’s not confrontation that is the problem. It’s the manner 
in which we handle confrontation.” ~ Dr. MaryAnn Diorio

Most people are afraid of confrontation because they have seen it mishandled. Many have been deeply hurt by confrontation, whether emotionally, physically, or both. Perhaps, like me, you are one of them.

For example, shouting, throwing things, or inflicting physical or emotional pain is not the proper way to handle confrontation. This kind of behavior is what has given confrontation its bad name.

But, on the other side of the coin, the failure to confront–especially on the part of a leader–has resulted in the destruction of families, organizations, and churches. When a leader fails to confront sin, he is tacitly allowing it to continue. There is no middle ground. 

Also, when a leader fails to confront sin, he is giving in to the fear of man. Whenever we fear man more than we fear God, we are in big trouble!

So, what is the proper way to handle confrontation?

First, let’s consider what confrontation really is. Confrontation is “speaking the truth in love.” This concept comes directly from the Bible. Let’s take a look at Ephesians 4: 15: “Instead, we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ . . . .”

What do you notice about this verse? Let’s dissect it together:

1–We are instructed to speak the truth.

2–We are instructed to speak the truth in love; i.e., with a desire to help the person we are confronting.

3–When we speak the truth in love, we will grow more and more like Christ.

Speaking the truth in love–aka “confrontation”– causes growth, both in the speaker and in the listener.

When David sinned with Bathsheba, he brought much suffering and harm to his family. God commissioned the prophet Nathan to confront David about his sin. Nathan obeyed the Lord, resulting in David’s repentance.

Do you think Nathan felt like confronting King David? I doubt it. Nor do we always feel like confronting sin in the lives of those we love or those whom God has placed under our authority. But confront we must if we truly love them.

Truth without love will result in alienation. Love without truth will result in damnation. This is what is happening in many of our churches today. Pastors are preaching a love message without combining it with a truth message. When only one half of the equation is applied, the math won’t work. We will get a wrong answer every time.

And so it is with confrontation. We must confront, but we must always confront in both love and truth.

By the same token, the person who is being confronted must receive the message with a teachable spirit, which is a spirit imbued with humility. As king, David could have angrily dismissed Nathan and his message. Instead, David humbled himself before God and before Nathan and received Nathan’s correction from the Lord. As a result, David repented and, in so doing, did not forfeit his salvation.

Confrontation has eternal consequences. If we allow sin to continue, it will grow. When we confront, we are showing that person great love and concern for his eternal destiny. If we truly love someone, how, then, can we not confront him?

Now, it’s YOUR turn: Do you have trouble confronting sin in the lives of those in your circle of influence? After reading this blog post, do you now see confrontation in a different light? Please leave your valuable comments in the fields below. Thanks! 

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Copyright 2017 by MaryAnn Diorio, PhD, MFA.  All Rights Reserved.

Sources cited:

“The Danger of Compromise” by Greg Laurie

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A dynamic book that will help you overcome negative feelings about yourself and put you on the road to success in every area of your life. Using sound Biblical principles, nationally known author, life coach, and businesswoman, Dr. MaryAnn Diorio, deals with such life-changing topics as overcoming worry and fear, taking charge of your life, learning to accept yourself, and finding your purpose in life. YOU WERE MADE FOR GREATNESS! Offers practical advice which, if applied, guarantees success and will help you become all that God created you to be.

Available in e-book format.

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If you found this post helpful, please forward it to a friend or relative. Thank you!

Please check our archives in the right sidebar for older posts on a variety of topics. You may also search for a particular topic in the search box at the top right.

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Sex and Soul Ties

How to Recognize a Controlling Spirit

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Matters of the Heart is a weekly blog that deals with the deepest issues of the human heart, the issues we all face but sometimes don’t want to talk about. The heart is the programming center of our lives. What is programmed into our heart will affect every area of our lives. Learn how to discover what is in your heart and how to program your heart for success.

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How to Become an Expert at Loving

by Dr. MaryAnn Diorio

“Guard your heart above all else, for it determines
the course of your life.” ~ Proverbs 4:23

Are you new to this blog? If so, what is the Matters of the Heart blog and why will it bless you to read it?

Matters of the Heart is a weekly blog that deals with the deepest issues of the human heart, the issues we all face but sometimes don’t want to talk about. The heart is the programming center of our lives. What is programmed into our heart will affect every area of our lives. Learn how to discover what is in your heart and how to program your heart for success.

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Love. The word conjures up all sorts of emotions. To some, those emotions are positive. To others, they are negative. How we respond to the word love depends less on our experiences with love and more on our understanding of the real meaning of love.

Today, we use the word love quite indiscriminately and, I might add, rather flippantly. We speak of loving ice cream, loving a car, loving a style of house, loving a person, and loving God–all in the same breath. No wonder we are confused when it comes to giving and receiving genuine love.

Bible verse God is love in red with hearts

Genuine love begins and ends in God. Scripture reveals to us that God is Love (1 John 4: 8). The Word does not say that God has love; it says that God IS Love. The very nature, or essence, of God is love. If we want to understand love, we must seek to understand God’s nature.

Why is this so important to our well-being in this life? Here are some thoughts for you to ponder:

1–We are made in God’s image. God’s nature is to love. Because He made us in His image, He designed our nature to love. But sin marred, corrupted, and perverted our original nature so that the nature of humanity, in its unregenerate state, is to hate. Moreover, when we do not believe that we are made in God’s image (as evolution teaches), we can never experience the well-being that comes from knowing God loves us.

2–To know God is to know Love. Since God and Love are one and the same, to know one is to know the other. An apprentice becomes an expert at a trade by spending time with his master, observing how his master works, and then applying what he has learned from his master. We become experts at loving by spending time with God, observing how He works, and then applying what we have learned from Him.

3–Love is the ultimate healer. Every physical, emotional, psychological, and spiritual disease responds positively to love. We’ve all heard stories of healing wrought by the power of love. Love is essential to our well-being in every area of our lives.

So, how do we learn to love? And how do we become experts at loving?

Love Himself has given us the plan of action for loving. It is found in 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8. Let’s take a look at what love in action looks like:

  • Love is patient.
  • Love is kind.
  • Love is not jealous.
  • Love is not boastful.
  • Love is not proud.
  • Love is not rude.
  • Love does not demand its own way.
  • Love is not irritable.
  • Love keeps no record of being wronged.
  • Love does not rejoice about injustice. Instead, love rejoices whenever the truth wins out.
  • Love never gives up.
  • Love never loses faith.
  • Love is always hopeful.
  • Love endures through every circumstance.
  • Love will last forever.

How do you square up with God’s description of love? If you’re like me, you have to admit that, at times, you fall short.

But don’t get discouraged. We are all learning to love. Our life on this earth is a course in learning how to love as Jesus loves. We have not yet finished the course, but we are covering more ground every day.

So, as we move into the new year, let’s make it our goal to learn to love as Jesus loves. I believe that when we stand before our Lord, He will judge us not by all that we accomplished for Him but by how well we have loved.

To help you further in learning to love as Jesus loves, I invite you to listen to my very brief podcast titled “Have You Learned to Love?” (See the link below). It is the first podcast in my new weekly podcast series titled A Moment with MaryAnn. I trust it will bless you. If it does, please pass it on. Thanks!


Now, it’s YOUR turn:  What has been your greatest struggle in learning how to love as Jesus loves? How have you addressed that struggle? Please leave a comment in the box below.

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“How to Become an Expert at Loving” by Dr. MaryAnn Diorio (CLICK TO TWEET)

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“Embrace Your Race”

—“How to Deal with Difficult People”

—”Don’t Let Satan Play Your Pipes!”

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How to Recognize a Contolling Spirit

Seven Keys to Successful Parenting

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How to Live in a World Gone Crazy

Strategies for Overcoming

Guard your heart above all else, for it determines
the course of your life.” ~ Proverbs 4:23

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We don’t have to be rocket scientists to recognize that something has gone drastically wrong with our world. To those who are unaware, the terror and evil around us could incite fear. But for those of us who follow Jesus, we know exactly what is going on.

At the root of every evil in the world is sin. But, of course, the concept of sin is no longer recognized as valid by our culture. So how can we blame sin for our troubles?

Riot protest fist raised in the air. Male clenched fist on dark grunge background.

The truth is that sin–especially the root sin of rebellion–is the cause of our crazy world situation. We no longer want to follow God’s ways. We want to follow our own ways. In fact, we don’t even acknowledge that God exists. When we deny that God exists, we are left to our own devices, left to be our own gods. This spells BIG TROUBLE!

From the days of Adam and Eve, the world has lived in rebellion. We are more aware of it now because of our advanced communication technology that enables us to know instantaneously that an incident has occurred on the other side of the globe.

So how can we live in a world gone crazy? Here are some proven steps you can take starting now:

1-Decide you will obey God at all costs. This means even at the cost of your life. It may come to that for those of us who follow Jesus.

2-Decide you will not live in fear. God has not given us a spirit of fear. Followers of Jesus walk in power, in love, and in soundness of mind (2 Timothy 1:7), truths that those who reject Jesus cannot comprehend.

3-Decide you will walk in love. Love is the greatest weapon of all in defeating evil. Love will overcome fear, drive out darkness, and prevail in the end. Love will never fail (I Corinthians 13: 8).

Jesus foretold that there would be perilous times. We are living in them. How exciting to be a part of our Lord’s great plan during these last days before His return! May we be ever faithful to Him in proclaiming His Word. He promised that it will not return void, but it will accomplish God’s purposes in the earth (Isaiah 55: 11).

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Five Ingredients of Great Relationships

by Dr. MaryAnn Diorio

WINNING WITH THE WORD

“Guard your heart above all else, for it determines
the course of your life.” ~ Proverbs 4:23
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Like all things that pertain to health, relationships require care.  Here are five tips for keeping your relationships strong:

Business people joining hands
Fotolia File: #66780827 | Author: vadymvdrobo

 1–LOVE. This means treating the other person in the relationship with respect, dignity, and encouragement. Love is the foundation of all good relationships.

2–COMMUNICATION. We communicate to understand. Understanding paves the way for trust. 

3–TRUST. Trust is the glue that keeps a relationship strong. Trust must be earned. 

4–FORGIVENESS. We all mess up. Forgiveness sets the stage for rebuilding a relationship.

5–TIME. Growth takes time. For a relationship to grow, you must invest time in it.


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Copyright 2015-2020 by Dr. MaryAnn Diorio. All Rights Reserved. This article may not be published or printed in any form whatsoever without the written permission of Dr. MaryAnn Diorio. You may contact her at drmaryann@maryanndiorio.com to request permission.

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How to Eliminate Fear from Your Life

A Simple Technique

“Guard your heart above all else, for it determines
the course of your life.” ~ Proverbs 4:23
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Fear has its roots in a lie. The lie is that we cannot trust God.

God is Love, but fear does not trust Love because fear does not know Love. 

Businessman holding sledgehammer hitting 3d fear mottled concrete word on asphalt road with sky clouds background, overcoming fear concept.

File: #82560526 | Author: TSUNG-LIN WU

To eliminate fear from your life, get to know Love. Get to know God.  

The more you know God, the more you will trust Him.

The more you trust Him, the less fear you will experience in your life.

It’s as simple and profound as that.

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To help you know and love God, read my popular book, YOU WERE MADE FOR GREATNESS! To purchase, click on photo.You Were Made for Greatness

You may leave a comment by clicking here. To receive these blog posts in your emailbox, please click here.

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Email: drmaryann@maryanndiorio.com
Snail Mail: PO Box 1185, Merchantville, NJ 08109
Tel. 856-488-3580
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Copyright 2015 by Dr. MaryAnn Diorio. All Rights Reserved. This article may not be published or printed in any form whatsoever without the written permission of Dr. MaryAnn Diorio. You may contact her at drmaryann@maryanndiorio.com to request permission.

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Dr. Diorio is a Certified Life Coach, a Certified Biblical Counselor, and a Certified Behavioral Consultant. She is also an award-winning, widely published author of fiction for children and adults. You may reach her at maryann@maryanndiorio.com or via one of her social media venues below:

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