“Ouch! There’s a Thorn in My Flesh!”

by Dr. MaryAnn Diorio

WINNING WITH THE WORD

“Winning with the Word” is a weekly blog that will help you to be a winner in life by applying God’s principles for living the abundant life as found in the Bible, God’s manual for life.

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Is there someone in your life who rubs you the wrong way? Well, if so, you’re not alone.

We’ve all had people in our lives who have rubbed us the wrong way. Of course, we rarely, if ever. think that WE rub someone the wrong way? That would be too humble of us, wouldn’t it?

Several years ago, I worked with a person who made life difficult for me. This person was harsh and unkind, and confusion often reigned in our communication. The more I tried to clarify, the worse the communication became.

I had hired and signed a contract with this person to achieve a professional goal. But the person seemed to be standing in the way of my achieving that goal by sowing confusion in our communication. In short, this person had become a thorn in my flesh!

Or, so I thought.

(By the way, if you haven’t experienced a thorn in the flesh yet, you will. So file away for future reference what I’m about to share with you.)

Now, in all fairness to the person, I must say that the opposition was not intentional. But it was there, nonetheless. Yet, given the contract I had signed, I had no other recourse but to put up with the situation and to make the best of it.

Day by day, as I engaged with this person, I found myself getting more and more stressed. I complained to the Lord that this person was an obstacle to my achieving my goal.

To my great surprise, the Lord answered me with these words: “This person is not an obstacle, but a vehicle.”

A vehicle?

Surely I had misunderstood and misheard the Lord.

But I had not misheard Him. He had simply shown me once again that His ways are higher than my ways.

Okay, Lord, I replied. “As always, you’re right. But how is this person a vehicle and not an obstacle in my life?”

The Lord said, “This person is a vehicle to my making you like Jesus. That’s been your prayer, hasn’t it? That I would make you like Jesus. Well, I’ve placed this person in your life to polish your rough edges. And you have many of them, you know.”

Gulp! Have you ever wanted to run into a cave and hide? Then you know how I felt.

With great sincerity of heart, I asked the Lord to forgive me of my selfish, arrogant attitude and to help me view this person as a vehicle to God’s shaping me into the image of Christ. Now, years later, I can see how that person’s presence in my life revealed the huge flaws in me that I needed to deal with in order to become more and more like Jesus.

Perhaps you, too, have a person or a situation in your life that is your thorn in the flesh. A person or situation that seems to be holding you back from what you want, that seems to be standing in the way of a goal you want to achieve. If so, stop and reconsider. Perhaps the very person or situation you think is an obstacle is actually a vehicle to something far better for your life. Something good you would miss if you didn’t have that thorn in the flesh.

So, why does God give each of us a thorn in the flesh?

Here are three key reasons:

1. A thorn in the flesh polishes us. Thorns scratch at us, removing bits of harmful debris. Thorns polish us, removing our rough edges. Thorns prick us, instigating us to righteous living.

2. A thorn in the flesh keeps us dependent on God. When things aren’t going swimmingly—as our British friends say—we tend to go to God for help. Thorns in the flesh continually push us toward God. And that’s exactly what God wants: our total dependence on Him.

3. A thorn in the flesh keeps us from slipping into spiritual complacency. It’s so easy to think we can do life in our own strength. A thorn in the flesh reminds us that we can’t. A thorn in the flesh works in tandem with God’s goal for us. And here’s some breaking news: God’s goal for us is not our happiness, but our holiness.

So, if there’s a thorn in your flesh, rejoice and be glad. God is making you like Jesus. And there is no one we should want to resemble more!

That difficult person is no longer in my life, but, oh, I learned so much in that situation. Perhaps the biggest lesson I learned is that my life is not about me and my will. It’s about Jesus the Lord and His will for me. And His will for me is always the best for me.

Christ’s will for you is always the best for you, too. If you have not yet made Him the Lord of your life, do so now. Just pray this simple prayer with me:

Lord Jesus, I’ve spent my life doing my own thing and wanting my own will. Yet, You have graciously put people in my life to rub me the wrong way in order to show me that I need You. Well, I’ve finally figured that out, Lord. So I come to You now in all of my neediness, asking You to come into my life and to save me from myself. Be the Lord of my life. Make me like Jesus, no matter what it takes. I pray this in Your Name. Amen.

If you prayed this simple prayer, please write to me at drmaryann@maryanndiorio.com. I would like to send you a little booklet that will help you get started in your relationship with Jesus Christ. I also encourage you to get yourself a Bible and read it every day, starting in the Gospel of John, which is in the second half of the Bible. Finally, ask the Lord to lead you to the church of His choice for you where you can learn about and find fellowship and encouragement with other Christ-Followers.

For additional resources, articles, books, and podcasts to help you grow in your walk with Christ, I invite you to visit my website at maryanndiorio.com. This podcast is found on Apple Podcasts, Spreaker, iHeart Radio, Spotify, Soundcloud, Castbox, and Deezer, so I encourage you to subscribe.

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In closing, I would like to recognize, honor, and thank this week’s sponsor of Winning with the Word, my awesome husband of 50 years, Dr. Dominic Diorio, my very first patron on Patreon.

Thank you so much for listening. This is Dr. MaryAnn Diorio, your virtual life coach, reminding you that God loves you just as you are and just where you are, and that He will help you to keep on winning with the Word.

Listen to the podcast here:

Now, it’s YOUR turn:  How have you dealt with a thorn in the flesh in your life? Please leave your response in the Comment Box below. Thank you!

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HOW TO GET ALONG WITH EVERYONE

by Dr. MaryAnn Diorio

“Guard your heart above all else, for it determines 
the course of your life.” ~ Proverbs 4:23

“Matters of the Heart” is a weekly blog that deals with the deepest issues of the human heart, the issues we all face but sometimes don’t want to talk about. The heart is the programming center of our lives. What is programmed into our heart will affect every area of our lives. Learn how to examine your heart and how to program your heart for success.

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I have often been described as a “people-person.” The connotation implied is that I love people. And that is absolutely true!  I absolutely love people! 🙂

But loving people has not come easily for me. It is not a natural ability, but a supernatural one, because, basically, like all people, I am a sinner. Loving people is a grace from God that I have received as a result of being born again and of having learned how to let Christ live in me and through me.

God loves people! God loves us! And He loves us in a way that we all need to learn if we want to have good, healthful relationships in life.  

So, how does God love us? Here are three key ways:

1–God loves us unconditionally. This means He places no conditions on His love for us. He loves us when we obey Him, and He loves us when we disobey Him. He loves us when we’re happy, and He loves us when we’re sad. He loves us when we are pleasant to be around, and He loves us when we are ornery or downright nasty. 

2–God loves us by asserting our worth. God makes us feel valued, no matter where we’ve come from nor what kind of past we’ve had. Think of the woman at the well. Jesus valued her by talking with her. According to Jewish law, Jews were forbidden to communicate with Samaritans. But Jesus superseded the law, spoke with her, and transformed her life by sharing the Gospel with her. If we want to love others, we need to assert their worth by making them feel valuable. We do this by respecting them, honoring them, and giving them our attention.

3–God loves us by accepting us just as we are. To get along with others, we need to accept them as they are, not as we want them to be. We need to love them in spite of their flaws, not just because of their virtues. We need to give them space to be who God created them to be.

Loving other people depends on our relationship with Jesus Christ. Author Bonnie Davidsion writes: “Our relationship with God will determine our relation­ship with other people.” This is a profound statement, worthy of pondering. We will love other people to the degree that we love God. And the only way we can love God is by accepting His Son Jesus Christ. Jesus alone can enable us to love as the Father loves.  

Bottom line, the only way we can truly get along with people is by loving them. And the only way we can truly love them is by allowing Jesus Christ to love them through us. There is no other way.  #

Now, it’s YOUR turn: What challenges have you faced in getting along with other people? Please leave your valued comment in the box below.

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If you found this post helpful, please forward it to a friend. Thank you! You may also be interested in reading the following popular posts:

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#15 Signs That We Are in the End Times-Part 

Please check our archives in the right sidebar for older posts on a variety of topics. You may also search for a particular topic in the search box at the top right. 

Matters of the Heart is a weekly blog that deals with the deepest issues of the human heart, the issues we all face but sometimes don’t want to talk about. The heart is the programming center of our lives. What is programmed into our heart will affect every area of our lives. Learn how to discover what is in your heart and how to program your heart for success.

AN INVITATION TO YOU: To follow this blog via Facebook, click here. If you are not on Facebook or if you prefer to subscribe via another venue, you may do so by using any one of the other subscription options listed under the Networked Blog section in the sidebar on my website: www.maryanndiorio.com/blog. Thank you!

For additional encouragement, check out my podcasts at the following links:

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Winning with the Word Podcast Series

Write Your Heart Out! – Podcasts for Writers

Please tell your family and friends about this blog and my other resources, and please pass this post on to them. Thank you!

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Copyright 2018 by Dr. MaryAnn Diorio. All Rights Reserved. This article may not be published or printed in any form whatsoever without the written permission of Dr. MaryAnn Diorio. You may contact her at drmaryann@maryanndiorio.com to request permission.

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ARE YOU AFRAID OF CONFRONTATION?

by Dr. MaryAnn Diorio, Your Virtual Life Coach

Guard your heart above all else,
for it determines the course of your life.” ~ Proverbs 4: 23
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Do you hate confrontation? Are you one of those people who gets uptight when there is the slightest indication of anger, upset, or instability in the status quo?

If so, you are not alone!

But while you may not be alone, you may be in trouble!

Why? Because confrontation is essential to growth. Without it, we will remain imprisoned in unhealthful relationship patterns. We will not experience the abundant life Jesus died to give us. In fact, we will not fulfill our God-given destiny.

Consider the caterpillar. Without confrontation–i.e., confronting the cocoon–the caterpillar would never turn into a butterfly.

Consider also the chick in the egg. Without confrontation–i.e., pushing against the eggshell to escape its confines–the chick would never emerge to live out its destiny as a chicken.

And consider the human being. Without confrontation–i.e., pushing through the obstacles that hinder healthful relationships and God’s plan for our lives–we would never grow into the truthful and loving people God created us to be.

No, it’s not confrontation that is the problem. It is the manner in which we handle confrontation.

“It’s not confrontation that is the problem. It’s the manner 
in which we handle confrontation.” ~ Dr. MaryAnn Diorio

Most people are afraid of confrontation because they have seen it mishandled. Many have been deeply hurt by confrontation, whether emotionally, physically, or both. Perhaps, like me, you are one of them.

For example, shouting, throwing things, or inflicting physical or emotional pain is not the proper way to handle confrontation. This kind of behavior is what has given confrontation its bad name.

But, on the other side of the coin, the failure to confront–especially on the part of a leader–has resulted in the destruction of families, organizations, and churches. When a leader fails to confront sin, he is tacitly allowing it to continue. There is no middle ground. 

Also, when a leader fails to confront sin, he is giving in to the fear of man. Whenever we fear man more than we fear God, we are in big trouble!

So, what is the proper way to handle confrontation?

First, let’s consider what confrontation really is. Confrontation is “speaking the truth in love.” This concept comes directly from the Bible. Let’s take a look at Ephesians 4: 15: “Instead, we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ . . . .”

What do you notice about this verse? Let’s dissect it together:

1–We are instructed to speak the truth.

2–We are instructed to speak the truth in love; i.e., with a desire to help the person we are confronting.

3–When we speak the truth in love, we will grow more and more like Christ.

Speaking the truth in love–aka “confrontation”– causes growth, both in the speaker and in the listener.

When David sinned with Bathsheba, he brought much suffering and harm to his family. God commissioned the prophet Nathan to confront David about his sin. Nathan obeyed the Lord, resulting in David’s repentance.

Do you think Nathan felt like confronting King David? I doubt it. Nor do we always feel like confronting sin in the lives of those we love or those whom God has placed under our authority. But confront we must if we truly love them.

Truth without love will result in alienation. Love without truth will result in damnation. This is what is happening in many of our churches today. Pastors are preaching a love message without combining it with a truth message. When only one half of the equation is applied, the math won’t work. We will get a wrong answer every time.

And so it is with confrontation. We must confront, but we must always confront in both love and truth.

By the same token, the person who is being confronted must receive the message with a teachable spirit, which is a spirit imbued with humility. As king, David could have angrily dismissed Nathan and his message. Instead, David humbled himself before God and before Nathan and received Nathan’s correction from the Lord. As a result, David repented and, in so doing, did not forfeit his salvation.

Confrontation has eternal consequences. If we allow sin to continue, it will grow. When we confront, we are showing that person great love and concern for his eternal destiny. If we truly love someone, how, then, can we not confront him?

Now, it’s YOUR turn: Do you have trouble confronting sin in the lives of those in your circle of influence? After reading this blog post, do you now see confrontation in a different light? Please leave your valuable comments in the fields below. Thanks! 

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Copyright 2017 by MaryAnn Diorio, PhD, MFA.  All Rights Reserved.

Sources cited:

“The Danger of Compromise” by Greg Laurie

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A dynamic book that will help you overcome negative feelings about yourself and put you on the road to success in every area of your life. Using sound Biblical principles, nationally known author, life coach, and businesswoman, Dr. MaryAnn Diorio, deals with such life-changing topics as overcoming worry and fear, taking charge of your life, learning to accept yourself, and finding your purpose in life. YOU WERE MADE FOR GREATNESS! Offers practical advice which, if applied, guarantees success and will help you become all that God created you to be.

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If you found this post helpful, please forward it to a friend or relative. Thank you!

Please check our archives in the right sidebar for older posts on a variety of topics. You may also search for a particular topic in the search box at the top right.

Some of our most popular posts:

Sex and Soul Ties

How to Recognize a Controlling Spirit

–Why Rage Is Raging in Our Land

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Copyright 2001-2017 by Dr. Mary Ann Diorio. All Rights Reserved. 

Matters of the Heart is a weekly blog that deals with the deepest issues of the human heart, the issues we all face but sometimes don’t want to talk about. The heart is the programming center of our lives. What is programmed into our heart will affect every area of our lives. Learn how to discover what is in your heart and how to program your heart for success.

AN INVITATION TO YOU: To follow this blog via Facebook, click here. If you are not on Facebook or would prefer to subscribe via a different venue, please check the sidebar to the right for subscription options. Thank you!

How to Deal with Difficult People

by Dr. MaryAnn Diorio

“Guard your heart above all else, for it determines
the course of your life.” ~ Proverbs 4:23
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Are you new to this blog? If so, what is the Matters of the Heart blog and why will it bless you to read it? 

Matters of the Heart is a weekly blog that deals with the deepest issues of the human heart, the issues we all face but sometimes don’t want to talk about.  The heart is the programming center of our lives. What is programmed into our heart will affect every area of our lives. Learn how to discover what is in your heart and how to program your heart for success.

AN INVITATION TO YOU: To follow this blog via Facebook, click here. If you are not on Facebook or would prefer to subscribe via a different venue, please check the sidebar to the right for subscription options. Thank you!
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We’ve all encountered them. Difficult people who could, if we let them, make our lives miserable. Perhaps you know one. Perhaps you work with one. Perhaps you even live with one.

So, what can you do to keep difficult people from making your life difficult?

Man trying to explain himself

Here are a three practices that have helped me deal with difficult people:

—Make sure that you are not a difficult person to live with or work with.  Far too often, we are quick to point the finger and to blame others for being difficult when we, ourselves, are blind to our own difficult ways. When dealing with a difficult person, the first step is to check our own hearts. Jesus said this in Matthew 7: 5: “Hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend’s eye.” Make sure you don’t have a log in your own eye when dealing with a difficult perosn.

Remember that hurting people hurt people. Difficult people have a history, usually a very painful or even traumatic one. While this is no excuse for bad behavior, it is a reason for it. And knowing that there is a reason behind all bad behavior helps us to see the difficult person through the eyes of compassion. For example, what comes across as anger may, in reality, be fear at not measuring up to the job. What comes across as stubbornness may, in reality, be a feeling of insecurity or inferiority. Behind every behavior is a belief. When that belief does not align with truth, we often come face to face with a difficult person. Remember these words from Ephesians 4: 32 when dealing with a difficult person: “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”

Apply the law of opposites. Return a kind word for a harsh one. Return a smile for a frown. Return understanding for criticism. Return encouragement for blame and accusation. In short, return good for evil. The Word of God says this in 1 Peter 3: 9: “Don’t repay evil for evil. Don’t retaliate with insults when people insult you. Instead, pay them back with a blessing. That is what God has called you to do, and he will bless you for it.

Now, it’s YOUR turn: How do you deal with difficult people? Please leave a comment in the box below.

TWEETABLE: “How to Deal with Difficult People” by Dr. MaryAnn Diorio (CLICK TO TWEET).

If you found this post helpful, please forward it to a friend. Thank you!  You may also be interested in reading the following recent posts:

Why Getting Offended Is Dangerous

Don’t Let Satan Play Your Pipes!

How to Think Like a Winner

Older, but very popular posts, include:

Sex and Soul Ties

How to Recognize a Contolling Spirit

Seven Keys to Successful Parenting

Check our archives in the right sidebar for older posts on a variety of topics. You may also search for a particular topic in the search box at the top right. Some of our most popular posts are:

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3 Keys to Good Relationships

Guard your heart above all else, for it determines
the course of your life.” ~ Proverbs 4:23
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Relationships are the stuff of life. When they go well, lie is good. When they go sour, life is not so good.

Some people have a knack for good relationships; others seem to botch almost every relationship. What is the difference?

People are finding relief in a support group

The difference lies in how one manages a relationship. Here are four keys I’ve discovered that help to take a relationship from mediocre to great:

Key #1: Put the needs and interests of others above your own. This key is found in Philippians 2: 3-4: “Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.”  In other words, do not be selfish, but selfless.

Key #2: Be patient with others. This key is found in Ephesians 4: 2: “ . . . be patient, bearing with one another in love.” Patience with the shortcomings of others goes a long way in cultivating and maintaining good relationships. 

Key #3: Develop a servant’s heart. This key is found in Philippians 2: 5-7: “Have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had. Although he was in the form of God and equal with God, he did not take advantage of this equality. Instead, he emptied himself by taking on the form of a servant….” A servant’s heart functions from pure motives, motives that align with God’s will as found in His Word.

Three keys. Simple, yet challenging to live by. But, oh, so worth it when it comes to cultivating and nurturing those relationships that make life worthwhile.

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